Happy Pride!

Gasp! To those who know me, but doesn't know. Yes, I'm gay. I may have misled some because I am married. The unfortunate assumption is that I am married to a woman, but in fact I am married to a man. Also, I may have allowed the assumption to maintain rather than correct. It's so much easier to answer a question of, "How is your wife?" with a "Good.", rather than say, "uh, my husband is fine, thanks." So for that, I apologize.


I will be going to Seattle Pride this year, as I have done for the past several years. I enjoy the frivolity as well as the messages the various groups are sending out there, whether it's political or social. I'm not here to give a lecture/history lesson on Gay Pride. There are so many resources out there for that. Take the link I made. It has a different meaning for anyone who has gone through this journey. I can't really describe my experience, lets just say it's a work in progress and I'm glad that I have someone at my side.

Speaking of which, my husband and I got married in Canada. Although, it is not recognized in the Unites States, our marriage is a symbol of our love and commitment to each other. There is so much hubbub over the details of the definition of marriage, that the symbolic meaning has been shadowed. When it comes down to it, a gay couple can love and respect one another just the same as a straight couple. I am looking forward to the day when all of the US recognizes same-sex marriage.

I am not an active advocate for equality, I think I should be. Maybe by putting this out there I am contributing something, or I am just making a complete mockery of myself. I'll let you all decide. Here is the link to someone I follow on twitter who is an invaluable resource. The New Civil Rights Movement.

Happy Pride!

Stuck at 250

As I said in the previous post, I started this journey pretty much at the beginning of this year. I t wasn't exactly a New Years Resolution, but coincidentally my "resolve" started then. I started at around 260. I say around because my weight was fluctuating between 260 and 265; it was not settling anywhere for a long period of time. For six months now I have been tracking my progress. Depending on if you want to be generous or not I've lost 10 to 15 pounds in half a year. I don't feel like I've lost that much. I look at myself and don't see any significant changes, but the scale doesn't lie. I should be proud right? Well, yes and no. I think I am way too hard on myself and expect more. I have a tendency to look at that scale and say, "It should be less!"

The fun part is when I get stuck. I've noticed this occur a few other times now. I've heard it called reaching a plateau. I call it a rut. Either way, I'm stuck. This is the point where for a while, I see no weight change at all. It fluctuates a pound or two but for the most part it stays the same. I am there at 250. I've been with this weight for a week and a half now and it is driving me crazy. The two charts above are from mypyramidtracker.gov. They are both energy balance trendlines. It shows the amount of calories I take in with regards to the amount of physical activity I have done for the day. If I am more active I am allowed more intake of calories. At the end of the day, if the balance shows a negative number, I'm eating less then what the body needs to maintain weight. I WANT to keep it negative.

So, the top chart shows the trend in a week span, the bottom shows in a month. I try to look at both to maintain perspective. I may have eaten far less in a week, but overall I try to keep the numbers close. I've figured a drastic change will probably mess me up, so I keep it gradual. I think the rut has got to me since I'm eating far less then normal this week. Looking at this, I'm making a conscious effort to eat a little more, but I'm also not working out so I need to watch that. This is probably making me neurotic since I am essentially calorie counting, but I realize that if I don't do this I'll probably just eat until my stomach says, "What the Hell are you doing?"

Please comment, tell me what you think, any advise is also appreciated. Thanks.

First post... A Mission Statement?

Alrighty. To the point of this blog:

I have been dealing with my weight since I could remember. I have always been the chubby kid since kindergarten. There is no doubt my struggle with my weight has shaped my behavior. My epiphany occurred six years ago, when I weighed 280 pounds. I knew I was going to hit 300, if I did not change something about myself. I started with buying a recumbent bike and exercising with that every day at home (I can't go to a gym, my issues with my body image keep me away). I didn't lose weight, but I wasn't gaining either. Progress, however little.

I was fortunate enough to meet the person who would be my soul mate at the same time. Together, we did the Atkin's diet. I lost 60 pounds. It was a proud moment for me. But just like all fad diets, it cannot last. I started eating carbs again.

I started gaining weight again. My problem was I was trying to get back on Atkins, then cheat. Try again, cheat again. Rinse. Repeat. Every time I would resolve to stay true, I wouldn't. This has been going on for several years now. I was creeping back up to my original weight, but I've managed to forestall it, just by being way too worried about it. By the end of last year I was at 260 pounds.

This year, I decided to erase Atkins from my thoughts and try it the old-fashioned way. Diet and exercise. No fad diets mind you, just watching what I eat. This is the slowest process and I noticed that if I deviate a little, I feel the repercussions. I think the reason why this has not worked for me in the past is because I was not using the tools I had correctly. This blog is another tool, it will help me process what I have been doing to successfully lose weight.

So. On to what I am doing/my tools:

1. Work-out. I do 40 minutes of weight-lifting everyday except the weekends. I'm sure I should be doing more cardio, but I cannot seem to get myself into it. I realize if I cannot get into an exercise, I WILL talk myself out of it. Not a good idea if I want to lose weight.
2. Scale. I hate it. I hate seeing how much I weigh. But if I do not track my progress, how will I know? Every morning after working out I weigh myself. It may not be an accurate reading since I just spent time sweating, but it is ideal in what i do for the next step.
3. Go to http://www.mypyramidtracker.gov/ . Here I track my weight, my physical activity and, most importantly, my food intake. I found this site a couple years ago and found it helpful. There is a catch, you MUST input as accurately as possible, as TRUTHFULLY as possible. No sense in using the site if you are going to lie to yourself about what you do, weigh and eat.
4. My latest tool: this! Again this is going to be use to process and journalize (did I just make up a new word) my progress. I see my progress on pyramidtracker.gov, but maybe through this I can further visualize what I am doing.

So there it is. My conclusion has always been weak when I wrote papers, so my conclusion to this post is probably just as weak. Oh well. My next post will be substantially shorter, I'm sure. Hopefully with cool screen shots and other visual articulations. Until then.

75yke46vds